


a lesson in bjorkisms

by cjmasim



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Aitch Gang, Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, Instagram, Light Angst, M/M, i jokingly came up with a fic idea based on one instagram comment and actually wrote it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 23:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17010834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjmasim/pseuds/cjmasim
Summary: @matt.grzelcyk: Might want to lay off the whipped cream next time eh, can't be getting too cocky #checkurself #negativeaitch@andersbjork10: @matt.grzelcyk Atta boy–Anders teaches Matt how to leave Instagram comments.





	a lesson in bjorkisms

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Writing yet another pairing that's completely out of left field, features young Bruins, and has never been written before? It's more likely than you think... no, it's probably just as likely as you think.
> 
> Anyway, this entire fic is based on Matt's comment on [this Instagram post](https://www.instagram.com/p/BOGak51gulH/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=7idhhw8udly3), which reads "How ya doin how ya livin how ya breathinnnnn". I saw that comment and thought " _huh, Gryz's comment sounds exactly like something Anders would say, almost as if he stole his phone and typed it_ " and somehow that thought turned into this fic. 
> 
> In case any of you saw the tumblr post which essentially said "use Comic Sans when you're stuck in your writing", please know that I used that trick and wrote about 2/3 of this fic in one night, so it really does work!
> 
> This is the point where I remind you that if you're in this fic, you shouldn't be reading it. Even though this is somewhat based on true events, it's all fictional. 
> 
> Also, for the sake of clarity, I don't know what "aitch" means but imagine it's something similar to swag (lmao), and the young Bruins love to use it. (They really have called themselves the aitch gang; they've never used "Bjorkism" but credit to E for coming up with it.) "gooseboy9" refers to Sean Kuraly; the other Instagram handles have their names and should be obvious. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It all starts in Columbus. 

Matt and Anders are in their hotel room the night before the game, each engrossed in their phones and paying no attention to each other. Matt's on Instagram, scrolling mindlessly and liking a few posts. When he sees the time, he decides to get ready for bed; he's not doing anything productive, so there's no reason to stay up any later. He gets up, putting his phone on the nightstand and stretching before heading to the bathroom. Anders doesn't look up from his phone, not that Matt would expect him to.

When Matt gets back, Anders is sitting up and has a different phone in his hand, with a familiar BU case that Matt recognizes as his own.

"Hey!" Matt yells, rushing across the room to retrieve his phone. 

"Oh," Anders says, looking up at Matt as his fingers continue to type furiously on Matt's phone. "I didn't think you'd be back so quickly." 

Matt pulls his phone out of Anders' hands, ignoring his protests. 

"I wasn't done," Anders pouts.

Matt doesn’t respond, looking down at his phone. There's a half-finished comment on an Instagram post, reading _First you put down the bread, then the peanut butter_. It's on one of Jake's posts from last season.

"Let me guess," Matt says. "You were going to say something about jam? Why the fuck would I comment that on a post that's almost a year old?"

"Because it's funny," Anders says, and Matt rolls his eyes. "You're too boring on social media."

"I am not boring," Matt insists, erasing the comment Anders had started typing and locking his phone. He really needs to get a passcode on that thing.

"I didn't say you were boring. I said you were boring _on social media_ ," Anders says.

Matt sighs, getting into bed and electing to ignore Anders for the rest of the night. He unlocks his phone again, going straight to settings and adding a passcode. He knows that 0548, a combination of his numbers with the Terriers and Bruins, is probably not all that hard to guess, but he's sure Anders won't figure it out. After practicing unlocking his phone a few times, Matt decides to take some Buzzfeed quizzes to unwind before going to sleep. 

Matt feels the warmth of the blanket leave him before he gets to finish building a burger to determine whether or not he'll meet his soulmate this year. Sure enough, Anders has pulled the blanket almost entirely off. He's lying beside Matt, having stolen the blanket for himself. Matt is only wearing his boxers, and he's _cold_ , so he tugs at the blanket, but Anders keeps a firm grip on it.

"You're not getting it back until you hear me out," Anders says. 

Matt ignores him, beginning to get up so he can just steal the blanket from Anders' bed, but Anders stops him again. This time, he elects to pull Matt back down onto the bed, holding him there as he positions himself so that he's draped across Matt's chest in a perpendicular shape, the blanket falling to the floor. It's ridiculous, looking almost like a game of Twister, but Matt can't quite get him to budge, so he gives up, letting Anders speak.

"Matt," he begins, and Matt is pretty sure it's the first time he's ever called him by his first name. Truth be told, Matt hadn't been entirely sure that Anders actually knew it. "You're a funny guy. When we're talking, just the two of us or all the guys, you always make me laugh, you know? But you don't show that on social media. The fans think you're boring! You don't want people to think you're boring, do you?"

"They just think I'm focused," Matt mutters, and Anders pretends not to have heard him.

"To be a true member of the aitch gang, you have to be hilarious. And you are, but the people don't know that, so from the outside, you look like you don't belong. And I don't want anyone to ever think you don't belong." Matt's heart flutters a little at that, and he grimaces. This is just Anders spewing his usual bullshit; it doesn't mean anything. Nothing he says ever means anything. "But this is a problem we can fix. As you know, I am the master of Instagram comments, of aitch humor, of jam and most importantly, humor. I am a master of words, and with my help, you can become one as well."

Matt laughs, though it's a bit strained due to Anders still being on top of him. "Are you high?"

"What?" Anders blinks. "No. You know I've never done a single marijuana in my life."

"Right," Matt chuckles. "If I say yes, will you get off of me?"

Anders grins. "Of course!"

"Then yes," Matt says, "I'll let you teach me the ways of a true Jedi aitch master, or whatever."

Anders shifts his body so that he's directly on top of Matt, face lined up with his face, chest lined up with his chest, and for a moment, Matt entertains the thought that maybe - but no, they're just bros, and more importantly, they're teammates. Anders hugs him, and it's an awkward hug, given the position, but it's fleeting. Anders gets up and returns to his own bed within a few seconds, leaving Matt to his personal space.

"We'll start tomorrow," Anders promises.

He reaches out for the blanket, pulling it back over himself, though he realizes that with Anders lying on top of him, he hadn't been cold. 

Matt isn't quite sure what he's agreed to, but he can only hope he doesn't embarrass himself too much. 

He goes back to his Buzzfeed quiz, and after adding pickles to his hypothetical burger, it tells him that he's already met his soulmate. He scoffs, moving on to the next quiz; maybe their attempt at guessing his zodiac sign will be more accurate. 

-

At team breakfast the next morning, Matt realizes that Anders must have left more comments than the single partial one that Matt had seen. It hadn't even occurred to him that Anders had already left several comments before Matt found him; he'd been stupid not to check.

"Yo, Gryz!" Jake greets him, clapping him on the back as they make their way toward the table. "You were commenting up a storm on Insta last night. Nice work, bro."

"Yeah, for real!" Charlie adds. "Did Jake give you a pack of Oreos or something?"

"I wish I could take credit for that," Jake says wistfully, shaking his head.

Matt tries to follow their conversation, completely lost without having had any coffee, but eventually, he catches up.

"Wait," he says, interrupting Jake before he can get too deep into his rant about Oreos. "I didn't leave any comments on any posts, guys. Bjorkie just stole my phone."

"Matty, come on," Anders cuts in. "How could I have done that? It's not like I know your passcode. Take credit for your accomplishments, bro."

"I didn't – " Matt _knows_ that Anders knows he didn't even have a passcode when the comments were posted. 

"Yeah, come on Gryz, we all know you're secretly the funniest guy on this team other than me," Jake says, cutting off Matt's attempt at giving an explanation.

"Watch it, Zeebs," Anders says, glaring at Jake.

"Cut the shit, Bjork, you're not the funniest guy on the team. You're just a dumbass," Marchy yells from a few seats down.

Anders blushes, trying to defend himself, but everyone just laughs at him. Soon enough, Jake starts giving a lecture about the beauty of whipped cream, and Matt tunes him out. It's far too early to try to follow Jake's train of thought for more than two sentences.

He's perfectly content to just focus on his breakfast, ignoring everyone at the table until he's had at least two cups of coffee, but naturally, Anders isn't going to let him.

"Hey Matty," he says, scooting his chair closer to him so that Matt can hear him over Jake, who's taken to reading the Wikipedia page for whipped cream in as loud of a voice as he can get away with. "Come on, man, don't be so shy. Let them see how much of a comedic genius you are."

Matt glares at him and takes another sip of his coffee.

"Hey, I thought it was hilarious," Charlie says from a few seats down. "You should use that humor more often, you know."

Matt smiles, trying to make it seem genuine, and nods. No one's going to believe him at this point. He's just going to have to commit to it. "Thanks, man," he says, and Anders scoffs.

"You're nice to Cheeks but not me? I'm wounded, Gryz. Wounded."

-

After the game that night, Matt gets on the plane with his headphones on as usual. He finds a window seat and gets comfortable, not intending to do anything else for the trip, but naturally, Anders has different plans once again.

Matt notices Anders plop down next to him at the same time he feels his headphones being yanked off of his head. _Rude_. Anders takes Matt's phone out of his hand, too, pausing his music, and really, Matt isn't sure whether to be touched or annoyed. Probably both. 

"It's time for your first lesson," Anders says without offering any sort of greeting or context. Matt raises an eyebrow, clueless, before he remembers.

"We're doing that now?" He asks.

"Of course," Anders nods. "We have free time, so we've got to use it to the best of our ability."

Matt sighs, closing his music app. He's learned by now that arguing with Anders is futile, and he's not about to try it. 

"So, first of all, we've got to cover the basics. I figured we'd start with learning when to comment on a post," Anders says, and launches into a speech about the importance of timing, your relationship with the poster, who's already commented, and all kinds of other factors that Matt had never really considered. By the time he finishes, Matt does feel like he understands what Anders meant, and he's surprised. Anders isn't exactly the brightest guy on the team, and Matt hadn't really expected him to be a good teacher, but apparently he's good at explaining the things he's really passionate about, even if that's really limited to just Instagram comments and hockey. 

"For example," Anders continues, and Matt is beginning to wonder whether he took any education courses in college. "Let's say, hypothetically, that Jake made a post right now. The post is just a mirror selfie showing off his new hat. Now, consider the relationship. You tell me: comment or no comment? And explain."

Matt thinks back to what Anders had said about relationships – _if you're close enough to have an inside joke, you comment_. "Comment," he says. "We have tons of inside jokes, of course we're close enough."

"Yes! Gold star," Anders says, smiling and patting Matt on the shoulder. "Now, what about the content?"

"Oh, of course," Matt answers. "It's easily roastable, and not too serious."

They go through each of the categories, with Anders making Matt explain each one of his answers as if he's actually in school. Matt thinks that he should be chirping Anders for this, but he's having fun with it, and even though he knows, logically, that this isn't actually useful information, it feels like it is. 

As simple as the subject seems, the lesson takes as long as their flight to Winnipeg. By the time the plane lands, Matt feels like he has a firm grasp on when to comment and when not to comment, and Anders has given him an A in the subject, a handout to study, and an actual homework assignment.

"Make sure you study this every night," Anders says as he slides him a printed sheet of paper. 

Matt is honestly astounded at the amount of work Anders has apparently put into this, especially considering that it's barely been a whole day since they agreed to the lessons. On the paper are two columns, each a list of words and phrases. At the top, each column is labeled - "aitch" and "normie" - and at the very top of the page, the title reads "Bjorkisms". 

"The aitch column are the words that only the aitch gang can understand, and the normie column is the translation for those who aren't part of it," Anders explains. "But don't share that with anyone who isn't in."

"Of course," Matt says. "I would never. You really named these after yourself?"

Anders waves a hand dismissively. "Good," he says, ignoring the last part of Matt's comment. "Anyway, your homework is to make a comment based on these guidelines at least once a day for ten days. I'll take care of the posting schedule to make sure there's at least one post for you to comment on every day, and Jake will be your first test tonight."

"I have homework?" Matt exclaims.

The plane has landed now, and Anders is reaching up to grab his bag from the overhead compartment. He grabs Matt's as well, placing it on the seat next to him.

"How are you going to learn if you don't put it into practice?" Anders asks, sounding eerily similar to Matt's seventh grade math teacher. He has a point, though. 

"Fine," Matt sighs, rolling his eyes just to be dramatic. He gets up, grabs his bag, and follows Anders as they exit the plane. "What's my prize if I complete it? Since there's no GPA on the line."

Anders laughs, sharp and warm, and Matt doesn't want to admit that his heart flutters a little at the sound. He turns back to Matt, smiling, and pausing before exiting the plane. "I'll give you a kiss," he says.

Matt is sure his jaw drops, but before he can even think of responding, Anders exits the plane.

-

There are two problems with Anders' statement.

One, Matt doesn't know whether he was serious or not. Anders is rarely serious, especially off the ice. Normally, Matt would assume anything he says is a joke, but he seems to be taking Matt's Bjorkism education very seriously, so he's not quite sure that he should dismiss this as a joke. On the other hand, why would one of his teammates ever offer to kiss him as a reward? It’s not like he's come out to any of them, and even if he had, Anders has never shown any interest in him - or guys in general - before. It's almost unthinkable to Matt that someone could come out so casually; surely, it must be a joke.

Of course, there's also the middle ground, and Matt thinks this could be the most likely explanation. Perhaps Anders had been serious about giving Matt a kiss, but he didn't mean it in the same way Matt initially thought. A kiss on the cheek, or the hand, or some other innocuous place. Nothing that isn't totally bros; just an overly dramatic show of affection for Matt taking the time to do something that's clearly very important to Anders. 

The second problem, however, is much worse. Matt can live with the uncertainty of whether or not Anders really meant what he said. He only has ten days until he finds out, anyway, assuming he manages to complete the "homework". Unfortunately, there's no set date for him to determine whether or not he _wants_ Anders to be serious.

Matt hasn't allowed himself to think about a teammate like that in - well, since college, anyway. He'd already made that mistake in his freshman year, and though Nieto had given him a friendly rejection, the rest of the season had been so awkward. Matt pushed through it, of course, for the sake of hockey, but he still wonders how things would've been if he'd been able to be friends with everyone on the team. Nieto hadn't been back the next season, and Matt, seeing it as an opportunity for growth, had decided to never dwell on any not-quite-platonic feelings for a teammate again.

There were plenty of guys who had tested that resolution; Ahti, Charlie, Casey, Brandon. Hell, even Bergy, though he'd never admit it to anyone; that was more of a childhood crush anyway. 

And sure, okay, maybe there have been a few instances of Matt seeing Anders smile or reading one of his stupid Instagram comments and feeling something stirring in his stomach. Maybe he does occasionally find himself thinking about his lips, or his hands, or his thighs, or - well, he hasn't let his mind drift that far, but he's definitely not opposed to it. There's no way Matt would ever make a move, not after what happened the last time he tried that, but if Anders could possibly be interested in _him_ , well, Matt would be a fool not to at least entertain the possibility. And maybe he kind of really wants Anders to be serious, but he can't let himself think about it too much, because if he does, and Anders _isn't_ serious, he'll just be disappointed all over again. He's been having fun in the NHL so far, despite being more than a bit lonely on the romantic side of life, and he doesn't want to ruin that. 

He'll just have to try not to think about it, at least for the next ten days.

-

@jdebrusk: You know what time it is…

@andersbjork10: Whippppppped creammmmm timeeeeee zeeebbbbssssss

@gooseboy9: Check it

@matt.grzelcyk: Might want to lay off the whipped cream next time eh, can't be getting too cocky #checkurself #negativeaitch 

@andersbjork10: @matt.grzelcyk Atta boy 

-

Nine days pass, and Matt manages. He leaves several comments, all of which get Anders' seal of approval, and he's passing this Bjorkism course with flying colors. He tries not to think about Anders any more than necessary, and sometimes, when he's sufficiently distracted, it works. Unfortunately, that isn't too often.

The tenth day arrives, and Matt knows he'll have the whole day to worry about what Anders will do. All the posts so far have been at night; there's no reason to believe this will be any different. He spends the whole day worrying, about what the post will be, what he'll need to comment as a sort of final test, what Anders will do, even if he doesn't do it today. As such, Matt finds himself not doing too well at practice, to the point that Bergy notices. 

After practice, when the rest of the guys have already finished dressing and started to file out, Bergy comes up to Matt, who's still changing, and asks if he wants to talk. It's more of a request than a question, really, so Matt agrees, even as he dreads the conversation.

There's no real reason to, of course; Bergy is a nice guy, and he does his best to make everyone feel welcome. He doesn't say anything about Matt's play, seems to recognize that it's not anything technical or even physical messing with his game, and when he asks if he's okay, Matt just - tells him the truth. 

"It does seem like quite the dilemma," Bergy says, and Matt sighs, both in relief at his team's co-captain accepting him so easily and in dismay at the situation. 

"I just don't know what to think," he says, not for the first time today.

"You're right in doubting him, considering your past, and that Bjorkie is rarely serious," Bergy says. "However, I get the sense that he cares deeply about his friends, and he wouldn't do or say anything malicious; he hardly even does that to the other teams even though he's clearly capable. I don't think he's intentionally messing with you, so don't go down that line of thought. Maybe you should go for it."

"What?" Matt had been listening intently, feeling adoration brewing within him as Bergy went through his assessment of Anders, but at the last line, his heart skips a beat. 

"He may have just been trying to keep it casual, in case you don't reciprocate," Bergy continues. "He seems to like spending time with you more than anyone else, and you mentioned how dedicated he seemed to getting you to understand his, er, language. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he does return your feelings. See what he does tomorrow, and be ready to make the first move if necessary."

"I don't know," Matt says, nerves flaring up again. "What if he - it's not worth the risk. Maybe I should just fail the challenge, then he won't have to - "

"Gryz, come on," Bergy cuts in. "You've made it this far. It won't hurt to just see what Bjorkie does."

Matt sighs, looking up at Bergy. There's a sort of deep sincerity in his eyes that makes Matt want to just give in and do whatever he says; it would be scary in anyone else, but in Bergy, it just makes Matt admire him even more. 

"Fine," he says. "I'll comment tonight, then, and just - see what happens, I guess. I'm not making a move, though."

"Okay," Bergy says with a small smile, and if Matt didn't know any better, he'd say he almost looks sad. "At least you're willing to give it a chance."

-

@andersbjork10: Look at this stud @matt.grzelcyk setting me up with this sweet 🍎 

@dantonheinen: No love for the actual goal scorer?

@matt.grzelcyk: Pb&j extra jam kinda night #feelingthelove 

@andersbjork10: @dantonheinen Go away @gooseboy9 help me out here

@andersbjork10: @matt.grzelcyk I'm coming over bruh

-

Matt leaves the comment right before starting another episode of _Friends_ in an attempt to distract himself, and he's barely ten minutes in when he hears a knock on his door. 

He opens it to find that Anders' latest comment had been entirely serious, for there he is, standing at Matt's door, shuffling his feet almost as if he's - nervous?

Matt is sure he's just projecting. Anders has never been nervous in his life; meanwhile, Matt is almost shaking from anticipation. The fact that Anders came to his apartment in the middle of the night means that something is about to happen, but what, well, he has no idea. 

"Hey," Matt says, trying to keep things from becoming too awkward. His voice cracks a little, and his attempt isn't successful, but Anders smiles at him anyway, and then – _oh_.

Without a word, Anders steps forward, reaching a hand up to cradle Matt's face. Matt realizes what he's doing before he does it, and if it weren't for the reassuring, surprisingly soft touch, he'd step away, wanting to make sure that they're on the same page here, but as Anders presses his lips to Matt's, he doesn't have to ask. Anders kisses him with a sort of desperation, like he's been holding this in for a long time and is only just now getting the chance to express it, and as soon as Matt responds, he's carding his fingers through Matt's hair, deepening the kiss, pressing Matt against the wall. Eventually, they do break apart, and several times, they go back for more; distantly, Matt thinks that this is more than what Anders had promised, and even more distantly, he thinks that maybe Bergy had been right. 

They do finally stop before it goes too far, each of them breathing heavily, and one glance at Anders' flushed cheeks has Matt wanting to go for more. He doesn't, though; they really do need to talk about this.

Matt doesn't want to be the one to say anything, though, so they just stand in silence.

"Figured I'd make good on my promise," Anders finally says, not looking at Matt.

"You only promised one kiss," Matt says wearily. His earlier confidence is wavering; now that they've separated, he wonders whether Anders is just a good actor, whether he got caught in the moment and didn't really feel the same passion Matt felt.

"I just got caught up in it, I guess," Anders says, and Matt's heart sinks. "I've just been wanting that for a while, longer than I think I've known, and - sorry, I should've asked _today_ , not just assumed-"

"Wait," Matt interrupts. "You've been wanting this for how long?"

"Months?" Anders shrugs. "I don't know, a while."

"So you-"

"Yeah, I - I like you, as more than bros, and that's why I did this whole - I don't know, it seemed like a good way to make a move," Anders says, looking away.

Matt takes a moment to process that. "Wow," he says. "I didn't think - I mean, I like you too. I - I didn't want to think about it since we're teammates and I thought that never ends well, but I don't know, if we both like each other, then maybe, just - maybe."

"Maybe," Anders echoes, laughing breathlessly. "I guess that's more than I expected."

"I mean - I want to try, this, us," Matt says. "If you do too, that is."

"Yes, yes, definitely," Anders says. "Let's try, then."

-

@matt.grzelcyk: Aitch gang leaders for life 💘 

@jdebrusk: When will ur faves ever #omg

@gooseboy9: Premium aitch right here boys

@dantonheinen: 😊😊😊 

@andersbjork10: Lock him up #aitchforlife

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to follow me on [tumblr](http:www.cjmasim.tumblr.com)!


End file.
